quarantine recovery reflections
a photo of me and some friends pre-COVID--happier times :)
i’ve been thinking about how grateful i am that this quarantine is happening now instead of this time last year. controlling my food and exercise was a way of coping with things that were outside my control, and i think we can all relate to how COVID-19 has rendered us helpless in a lot of ways. a year ago, with my compulsive exercising and strict food rules, being stuck at home with nothing to think about BUT food and exercise…i think i would have lost my marbles. i would have been constantly questioning whether or not it was okay to eat since i wasn’t moving as much or able to workout in the same way.
during this quarantine, movement is a source of joy, and eating equally so. somedays i’m hungrier than others, and so i eat. simple as that. the control that cooking brings these days is comforting, but now it is constructive instead of restrictive. i cook for my family and bake for my loved ones.
i also recognize that instead of responding to the anxiety that comes from not being in control by controlling what i can with an iron grip, i give myself the grace to cope in the ways that I need to. maybe that’s an extra cookie, or facetiming a friend, or a walk around the block. i am so grateful to have had the space to heal over the last year that i am able to see the good in this time instead of feeling only fear.
to anyone who’s struggling—i totally understand how hard this time is and where you are right now. it can be easy to trivialize our own hardships in the face of greater suffering (“well, people are dying, so it’s really not that bad”), but i want you to know that you’re seen and you're heard and it will get better.